Heroes

 It has been a long while since I have posted to this blog.  My focus was diverted from the blog to concentrate on some other life challenges but I plan to go forward with posting here.  Over the past two years I have struggled with my father’s cancer and eventual death from that disease.  I took time to care for my father and comfort him in the face of death.  I also managed to train for and achieve my Third Degree Black Belt while traveling through this life challenge.  I also have begun another chapter in my professional career.   I decided, after over nine years of service, to take a severance package from my employer.  The department I worked with was reorganized and relocated and I took the opportunity to move on.  I have just now begun a new chapter in my professional life with a new career in a new company.

I have been planning on writing a post for some time and a significant event prompted me to begin.  Many Martial Artists across the country knew Steve Lavallee.  On the morning of June 11^th 2012 he committed suicide.  It is a shocking event. We all may have skeletons in our closet.  Some closets are much darker than others.  Out of respect for Mr. Lavallee’s family I will not go over the turmoil surrounding this saddening outcome.  Instead I would like to turn this sad event into a reflection on how to live life.

How we deal with challenges that can threaten our way of life will define our true character, regardless of the public facade we create.  Walking through life is many times a very difficult adventure.  Adventure is the word we should use for life’s journey. Adventures teach us lessons and life should be lived as one long lesson.  On our adventure we should gather up the mementoes and cherish each event whether it is sad or joyous. We melt these things into our character.  Many stories and myths have the hero leave on an adventure full of challenges and obstacles.  The hero returns from the adventure reborn and enlightened.  We should all strive to be that hero.  

If our choice is to focus on negativity then the adventure becomes negative.  While sadness is often times viewed as negative let us challenge that perspective. Sadness should be embraced and experienced.  Let the tears fall but do not dwell there. Fighting sadness multiplies inside and prevents us from moving on. Sadness is like a boiling pot. Cover the pot and eventually the top will no longer hold the pressure.  The water will over boil and can extinguish our flame. If we uncover the pot and allow the steam to rise, the waters of sadness disappear into the steam.  What we have left is the memory of the boiling, a memory of the sadness.  We can look back at it without being consumed by it.  The energy of our sadness in the passing of a loved one can be turned towards a celebration of their life and lessons they gave us.  The sadness of betrayal can be turned to a lesson of how we ourselves should live to be trustworthy and never inflict that pain on others.  Sadness in the face of evil deeds and people should be turned to lessons on how to protect ourselves and others from evil and those who would do us harm.  The examples can come forth endlessly. Every negative encounter and experience can hold a positive energy.  It is our perspective and reaction that rescue us and find the positive. 

Forgiveness is another lesson we should take and embrace in life.  Forgiveness does not mean we condone evil behavior.  Forgiveness is about our ability to not be held captive by evil.  If we look to always embrace the hurt and pain we carry that on our shoulders it infects everything we do.  When we look for revenge or an apology that will never come, it darkens the mind with images of events that will never erase the reality of what has happened.  With forgiving we release the pain and let go of the control the evil and the evil doer have on us. Without forgiveness in our hearts evil and the evil people in our lives influence our everyday thoughts and actions.  Forgiving does not condone the evil acts.   Forgiving does not mean we allow evil ones to stay or come back into our lives.  Forgiving means we jettison the control evil’s influence has on us.  Malice in the heart towards any person evil or good only diminishes our character.  Do not allow yourself to be a victim of malice.  Become a survivor of evil.

Many times evil will hide behind the veil of trust.  Evil doers will present to the world greatness of character.  Whether this is an intention or not evil will use the good that they do to mask and conceal their evil deeds.  This takes many forms.  A business man or woman that speaks with motivational platitudes may very well be insidiously cheating and harming business associates for his or her own selfish gain.   People thought to be great leaders can easily hide their immoral and illegal doings.  We are all loath to believe that people we looked up to, counted on and may have even called a friend would betray our trust or the trust of many.  We, by placing people on pedestals make it difficult for victims of this darkness to come forward.  Often times a victim is looked at as a jealous rival or someone just looking to topple the royalty.  Victims that do come forward to challenge this false royalty are courageous warriors.  These victims are willing to stand up to the masses and the regime and know they face an army of ridicule and doubt.  We should never dismiss a cry for help.  Yes it could be false.  However if we see a drowning person we assume they should be rescued.  We should assume people crying for help deserved to be rescued even if it means rescuing them from a person we hold in high regard. We may love the water but we know it can kill.  We cannot allow the waters of friendship, respect, and love cloud our vision of victims that need to be rescued from the water.  

On our adventure and our journey we should remain the hero. Be a hero to those that need our help.  Heroic acts will take courage and we may face fires, obstacles and monsters.  We need to walk through the fires, go over the obstacles and slay the monsters.  There are obstacles of sadness.  There are fires of forgiveness. There are monsters of evil.   All these things take many forms.  They hide in places we never expect and will pounce on us in an instant.  We as Martial Artists train to protect ourselves our families and should be ready in an instant.  Protect yourself from all things in this world physical or otherwise.  Be prepared to always be the hero.  During your life adventure embrace, overcome, protect, rescue, and forgive. 

Failure Is Not Really Failure The Third Degree Journey 4/13/10

I Went to Black Belt Kata class today and made some great progress with the nunchucks. Thank you Mr. Nikko Iannuzzo. Learned that I need to spend some time on a bo Kata called BBC bo(Black Belt Club bo Kata). The BBC Kata is new for me but is a Kyu rank Kata in the new system. I have it down except that I am doing reverse butterflies where it should be just butterflies. Old habits die hard. Two man bo Kata went well I think I have shaken the rust off that one finally. Class was a great workout too. There was no running after class today. I will hit that up the next time there is one. I am still kick’n and heading in the right direction to Third Degree Black Belt. If this 50 year old 2nd Degree Black Belt can do this anyone can!

Failure is not really failure if you consider it a lesson - with this outlook forward movement will be your only movement.

Forget the Health Care Reform In the News Create Your Own Personal Health Care Reform

Create your own personal health care reform. Exercise, create good nutrition habits, and use preventative medical advice. As we all take on healthy habits and become healthier people costs will decrease, insurance premiums will go down, problem solved!

Day 1 of Documenting My Journey to Third Degree Black Belt

There are many things for me to achieve on this path to my Third Degree Black Belt. I have some special challenges. I have conquered some major things. During my off time Mr. Rick Iannuzzo ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-TRANSformation-Coach/193615831648?v=wall#!/pages/Iannuzzos-Black-Belt-Academy/241807683831?ref=ts ) created a whole new system of Katas. I have had to learn all new kyu rank Katas. I have accomplished that. I have also had to learn several new 1st degree Black Belt level Katas. I am finishing that now. However the extra challenge here is learning two nunchaku Katas. I have never worked with this weapon before. The foot work and Kata pattern I have down. It is the weapon handling I need to work on. I have been doing that just about every day now and have come a long way but also have a long way to go. I have the two-man bo form down again. I had that before I just needed refreshing with that Kata. Conditioning has come a long way with the help from the TRANSformation coach ( http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-TRANSformation-Coach/193615831648?v=wall ). I am now way ahead on that goal. Weight has some work to be achieved yet. I am down about 15lbs but off from my goal to lose 30lbs from January to March. I once again reviewed and revamped my nutrition plan. From what I see so far what I need to do is some more calorie restriction.

Next step is to learn the Third Degree Katas. Some of the old Katas I know have been moved up to Third degree. 40 beats is a Kata I have been doing now for 20 years so that is taken care of. I do need to learn another bo form a Chinese sword form, and one more empty hand form. There is talk of me skipping some of that since I know far more Katas than other students. But I would rather not take that path.

Had to take a day off today from working out. I had to leave work early to take my wife to a doctor appointment that then turned to an X-Ray appointment. I went back to work and then had my own Doctor appointment that was already scheduled. I returned home planning on going to the Dojo for Kata class. Then had a call from my Father saying that my Mother was having a bad nose bleed. I am kind of an expert in nose bleeds; I wonder where I learned that skill? All was well but I had missed Kata class at that point. So tomorrow I will be there for Black Belt Kata class and stay and do a run and hit the red/black red belt Kata class for review. Check in tomorrow for how that all works out for me. Keep on Kick’n. If I can do this anyone can. No one is ever too old!

Do It Now

If you have something in life you want to accomplish go for it now! If you have something of yourself you want to give to the world go for it now! If there is a life you want to live go for it now! This is life there is no dress rehearsal, so do it now!

Be A Black Belt In Your Personal Relationships

Our lives are usually full of busyness chores, schedules, appointments, work and business. As our minds fill with the daily clutter what is really important in life gets left behind. Often what is really important is completely forgotten, we work in our daily routines for so long and leave life’s most important gifts so far behind their light fades away to nothingness. Even as we go to church or worship in what ever way we do, the reasons for these reflective moments have long disappeared.

What is important in life then? What are we leaving behind? Our relationships with friends, family and loved ones are our most important gifts in life. Often times these relationships and connections are broken for the most trivial of reasons. We allow unimportant issues to become the most important and allow these things to stand between friendships and family. Excluding abusive crimes, or violence nothing is more important than the gift of love between us. One rude moment, or one forgotten promise, or other small hurt should never interfere with the love between family and friends. Often people allow profit or business to interfere with our relationships. These things should never rise to destroy our love. Money and profit will not enrich your soul the love of others will.

Life should be a gathering of love. The relationships we form with others are what enrich us. The other daily routines of life can be thought of as food and nourishment; these things are needed to keep us going but are not the things that enrich us as people. The kindness, love, caring and sharing of our lives is what fills a life with meaning.

The example of this is easily evident. How many celebrities are in the news with unhappy tales of lives spiraling out of control? Money, fame, possessions and business success failed to make them happy. What will make a soul soar are the gifts we receive from the people we love and love us. There is no monetary or status gain from these gifts and the person who is only concerned with these gains in life is missing the point of being in this world. Business, profit and other status gains by themselves are fine and noble pursuits. These pursuits only become a hindrance when they are allowed to sever the ties of family and friendships.

When the tragedies of life enter, the source of strength will come from those we love and God. Without the love and prayers and caring of people who love us difficult times will easily overwhelm even those who seem very strong to the outside world. Often our inner strength comes from our foundation of love.

There is a tie to Martial Arts and relationships. In Martial Arts we talk about excellence on many levels. We work on setting and achieving goals and balancing our lives. We want to be “Black Belts” in every aspect of life. Work to be a Black Belt in your personal relationships. Become a Black Belt in mending broken relationships and start now. Mend your “burned bridges”. Mend the hurts you might have caused others and forgive those who have hurt you. Do not wait for tomorrow to do this since sometimes tomorrow never comes. Be the Black Belt that stands up and says “I forgive you can we start over?” If you can do this and open your heart you will have passed the Black Belt test of love, friendship and Family. Without these in our lives all other accomplishments become worthless.

If we cannot mend relationships that have been broken over trivial things, like business dealings, misspoken words, forgotten promises and the other things that at the end of our lives will mean nothing, we have failed to have Black Belt excellence in the relationships we have forged. Achieve Black Belt Excellence as a friend and family member. Be the one who extends the “olive branch”. If reconciliation fails at least the effort was made to make amends. If the person we are trying reconcile with has a requirement that is necessary for settlement than provide it. Step up and discover what a Black Belt can really do.

It is Your Attitude that Determines your Altitude.

I mostly blog about my experience in the Martial Arts but this post will be just a little different. In the Martial Arts we often talk about attitude. There is an old saying: your attitude will determine your altitude. In my life I have a person that is the perfect example of this. My most lovely wife, Donna, is one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Her story is a shinning example of how going forward and never giving up in the face of adversity is how to succeed.

My wife’s success in life was raising her son and simply surviving. She had obstacles that would have crushed the average person. Even her start in life was a challenge. She was raised by alcoholic parents who divorced. Her father left the seven children and her mother with nothing. They ended up living in places where they only had chairs and couches to sleep on. They often times had nothing or very little to eat. When her mother would leave for days on end Donna would stay home from school and take care of the younger children. This eventually led to her expulsion from school at the age of 16. Donna never gave up and eventually went back to start to earn her GED. She was never able to complete that goal and this tragedy is where her real life struggle began.

In 1971 Donna married her first husband. By 1973 she was pregnant with her first and what would be her only child. She had been working at Hoffman’s (making hot dogs, sausages etc.) She knew that she needed to improve her income to help support the child she was carrying. She applied for and was hired by a local insurance agency as a secretary by scoring higher than all other applicants on an employment test. They decided to pay for her GED schooling since this bright young woman showed exceptional promise. This is when tragedy struck.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving of 1973 when Donna was about 5 months pregnant she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage caused by an aneurysm. She had some signs something was going on but the symptoms were dismissed as part of the pregnancy and/or “morning sickness”. It was luck that her ex-husband decided this was not the case when she could no longer speak or walk. He took her to the hospital and by that time the only thing she could say was “baby”.

By a miracle, especially by 1970’s medical standards, Donna survived. Her case is even listed in medical books. Her survival was only the beginning of the miracle that became my wife’s life. The stroke’s damage was severe. Donna would never again be able to work. She could not finish her GED. She did try only to be frustrated by the reality she could no longer read or comprehend written words. She was also left with expressive aphasia and a seizure disorder. Her husband who had never paid the bills or balanced the check book failed to now pay the bills or take care of other household finances. He also started an affair. By 1976 they divorced. So here was a young woman left alone with a two year old baby, unable to work, unable to read, or effectively express herself struggling to get by. When most people complain about day to day challenges, this young lady forged ahead with her disability in tow, alone.

Donna also endured fights to keep her son with her. There were some people who decided she was not capable of bringing up her son. She fought these efforts and won. She had good family that helped her along the way too. She had friends that helped her relearn how to keep a check book and would help her when she needed it. Donna brought up her son kept a household on meager SSI means and did so very well. Donna’s disability also prevents her from holding a driver's license. Still, she managed to go get groceries, take her son and herself to the doctor when necessary. She took help from others when needed but for the most part her day to day needs were met by one person, herself.

The most amazing part of my wife’s story is her never ending laughter and smile and positive outlook. She always kept a positive communication open with her ex-husband for her son’s sake. She remained friends with her mother in-law, for her son’s sake. She enjoys life and brings smiles and brings a positive atmosphere to everyone she meets. With everything against her she moved forward never pausing to wallow in self pity and negative attitudes. With 15% of her brain missing she gives 200%. She sews and does cross stitch keeping in mind she cannot read.

I met her in 1990 and in 1991 I married her. She is still the most positive and driven person I know. Her strength shows like a bright light in the darkness. Here is a person that could have easily given up and used her life’s adversity as a justification for doing so. Instead she used fortitude and indomitable spirit to relearn life survival skills. When doctors suspected she would never walk again, she did walk. When they said she might never talk again, she spoke. When people declared she was not capable of raising her son she did raise him to be a fine young man and a wonderful father to his own children now.

Donna still shows her strength today. She is now also a breast cancer survivor. She faced that disease with the same positive attitude she applies to everything. When first diagnosed her biggest concern was who was going to babysit the grandchildren while she went through cancer treatments. She held my Mother’s hand when she faced breast cancer following the year after her own recovery. She now gives comfort to my Father as he faces terminal bladder cancer. My wife’s energy, smiles, and laughter is never ending. When I think of heroes in the world she ranks amongst the highest. More than a sports hero, or movie hero she is a real life hero.

A positive attitude is one of life’s most important tools. My spouse’s story is proof that with the proper attitude you can survive and thrive through what ever life throws into your path. You choose your attitude. Anyone can choose to “cave in” to challenges or stand up and face them. You can choose to climb over obstacles or give up and never recover from adversity. It is your attitude that determines your altitude.

What Does it Mean to Achieve a Black Belt

What does it mean to achieve a Black Belt? Why pursue this goal? We pursue many things in our lives and set many goals. Achieving a Black Belt is usually a special goal. It takes years of practice and dedication. Along the way we will learn much about ourselves. We will push our minds and bodies to the limit. I think the pursuit of reaching Black Belt mirrors our human experience. Life is a struggle, we work against challenges and strive to succeed in many things, family, work, spiritual, and personal goals like that of a Black Belt. On the road to Black Belt we learn how to dedicate ourselves to a goal; we can transfer this learning experience to our everyday lives, in work, family, and spiritual endeavors. The struggle of life is what makes it interesting. Sometimes the struggle is self imposed other times we struggle against odds and circumstances we wish didn’t exist. Challenge and strife often times create who we are for better or worse, and everyone will experience it. A life without significant challenge would be boring and without meaning. We all need challenge, we all need to move forward in our lives, when we stand still we become “stale”. Like standing water, we will eventually begin to stagnant, and move backwards.

Working towards a Black Belt can precipitate the evaluation of life goals. Many people set no life goals. Martial arts students will begin to set goals while on the road to Black Belt. Like life our success on the road to Black Belt will be determined by other people. Success in life is often judged by others. If we run a business the success of the business is determined by our customers. If we work for someone else our success is judged by the individuals running the business and individuals we report to.

The requirements for achieving a Black Belt will vary from one organization to another. All reputable organizations will have a very specific set of requirements that must be met before the student is considered eligible for Black Belt. Testing and/or judgment of how a Black Belt is awarded will vary from school to school but in the end, achieving this goal in a good institution will be challenging, difficult, and fair.

There are many advantages to working towards a goal of achieving Black Belt. What it means to reach that goal go hand in hand with the advantages. Black Belt it is a goal reached that was most likely only a far off dream when you first stepped through the door of the dojo. The old saying is: “goals are dreams that have a deadline”. The dream of achieving a Black Belt is no different. At first it is just a dream and then training begins and it becomes a long range goal with the focus on each step along the way. After many short range goals and small steps you reach the point where Black Belt is the next step. All your training becomes fine tuned and you condition your body. It is the peak for that final sprint. The sweat, pain, and obstacles have been over come. You are now a Black Belt. It means you have achieved a goal. You have overcome obstacles, personal, physical, mental and spiritual, everything has played a role.

Achieving a Black Belt means you had the discipline few individuals possess and you were willing to put in the work to conquer something that wasn’t easy. You put yourself to the test and with perseverance, indomitable spirit, honesty and integrity a passing grade was awarded. Some people go in front of judges for gold, silver and bronze metals, some people run races and some people test for a Black Belt. It is a test for yourself, to achieve something special, achieving it means that your struggle has paid off. Pass on what you learned along the way and the meaning of achieving this goal grows beyond just the personal reward. Everyone you contact can benefit and in a small way each Black Belt can enhance the experience of all their friends, family, co-workers and community. Worthwhile endeavors create strong character. True Black Belts have strong character that is one reason they were able to do what it takes to get there.

Achieving a Black Belt is also the beginning of journey. It is not only a journey in the martial arts, but it can also be a journey in life. No one is perfect, Black Belts are not perfect. People with character know this very well. Well rounded people also know that striving for perfection should still be the goal. That is the journey. Take the tools needed to achieve Black Belt and apply them to life. Conquer challenges in everyday life the same way they are conquered on the road to Black Belt. Grow with your experience in the martial arts and life.

Achieving a Black Belt is this: a journey to get there, a journey to stay there and a journey to move forward from there. It also a goal and goals are never ending. The goal and the journey are the challenge. Black Belts in life and the marital arts conquer the challenge and meet the goal. Black Belts give back to the arts and give back the people around them. Achieving a Black Belt means you have and created the strong character needed to excel beyond the ordinary.

Do We Need Martial Arts and The Martial Way?

The Martial Way in modern times may seem, to some, to be unnecessary. We no longer need to defend a village against aggressors and wars are no longer fought with swords, shields, spears, and the like. Regardless of what some people “selling” self defense might lead you to believe, it is pretty unlikely you are going to meet that fabled “street fighter” and engage in combat. Unless you live or work in an area that is plagued with high crime, chances are very good you will not run into a “mugger” in the near future. Also, most criminals are not going to wear a sign that says – “I am here to harm you now”. If you are unlucky enough to be targeted by a professional criminal the attack will be done and over before you even have a chance to react. The “pro” will pounce on you like a cat and then be gone. All predators, human and animal, will not put themselves at risk. They will stalk and attack when the prey is unaware; if the prey becomes aware they will give up the attack. This is the end of the self defense lesson. I will leave that discussion for another time. Here I am laying the ground work for a discussion on motivations and reasons to follow the Martial Way in modern times. I would like to leave behind discussions on “self defense”. Too often people speak of physical self defense as if it is a necessary life tool. While I am certainly an advocate of learning physical self defense, the truth is: most people get by fine without it. The Martial Way can, however, provide many benefits in modern life if applied in a meaningful manner and without the fantasies portrayed in movies and self defense ads seen in every M.A. magazine.

We have many challenges in modern life. Many people have anxiety and take a variety of prescription drugs to combat and alleviate stressful feelings. [The CDC numbers indicate 118 Million prescriptions a year are written for antidepressants, in the United States.] Anxiety disorders top the list for mental disorders in the U.S. [Also per the CDC]. For advice on treating stress, anxiety, depression, and other emotional issues people should always seek the help of a mental health professional and/or a physician. However, the Martial Way offers another option to cope or add to an already medically suggested course of action. In fact the American Psychological Association claims relaxation and breathing techniques are often used as successful treatment for panic disorders. Many martial arts incorporate breathing and meditation as part of a training regiment. Exercise is also often suggested as away to help with everyday stress and the Martial Way includes great exercise. It is easy to see that M.A. practitioners have an extra tool available to meet modern life’s challenges.

To face life’s challenges with the outlook of predicting your success is a part of the Martial Way. A warrior would never enter into battle with defeat as their mind set. A warrior may have been ready to die in reaching success but that was not defeat. If we apply the warrior mindset to our own daily endeavors we can effectively reduce the amount of stress we have. Much of today’s stress is created by our own minds and the thoughts of failure we interject to any task or challenge. What if we loose? What will happen? Facing these questions is essential and how we answer these questions will determine our mindset when we enter into “the game”. If the end outcome is not what we desired are we prepared to just give up? If we are committed to the Martial Way we will not give up. We will learn why the outcome was different than what was expected and take that experience forward. The true practitioner in The Martial Way will incorporate the experience into the learning process and pick up “the banner” and begin again. This is honor. As long as our effort was true and we applied our best knowledge there is no failure. Enter into a challenge knowing you will put forth your best effort and know that each step is a learning step and the fear of failure lessens. As the old warrior did not fear death do not fear failure since there is no failure if your intentions are honorable and honest. If you know you took the effort to prepare for the challenge and worked with integrity and indomitable spirit to achieve your goal there is no reason to fear an unexpected outcome. Many times new opportunities and “doors” are opened when one opportunity ends and/or an unlooked for outcome occurs. Defeat is never an option when we have applied ourselves with honor. New learning experiences are the only outcome of an honorable effort.

With the fear of failure removed the feelings of anxiety in general will also be removed. Without the fear of failure anxiety has no place to “sneak” into our thoughts. This also creates a greater level of concentration, since without anxiety we can focus on the task at hand. Our minds will not be preoccupied with thoughts of “what if”. Freedom from this type of stress will help keep us healthy. The CDC tells us stress can have many ill effects on our bodies. The Martial Way in the modern world is a survival tool just as it was in ancient times. Here I have discussed only one way M.A. can help us in our everyday lives. There are countless other advantages when we make the Martial Arts a way of life. If you are already a Martial Artist take inventory of the advantages the art provides for you. If you are not involved in the Martial Arts, jump on in, the water is great!