Heroes

 It has been a long while since I have posted to this blog.  My focus was diverted from the blog to concentrate on some other life challenges but I plan to go forward with posting here.  Over the past two years I have struggled with my father’s cancer and eventual death from that disease.  I took time to care for my father and comfort him in the face of death.  I also managed to train for and achieve my Third Degree Black Belt while traveling through this life challenge.  I also have begun another chapter in my professional career.   I decided, after over nine years of service, to take a severance package from my employer.  The department I worked with was reorganized and relocated and I took the opportunity to move on.  I have just now begun a new chapter in my professional life with a new career in a new company.

I have been planning on writing a post for some time and a significant event prompted me to begin.  Many Martial Artists across the country knew Steve Lavallee.  On the morning of June 11^th 2012 he committed suicide.  It is a shocking event. We all may have skeletons in our closet.  Some closets are much darker than others.  Out of respect for Mr. Lavallee’s family I will not go over the turmoil surrounding this saddening outcome.  Instead I would like to turn this sad event into a reflection on how to live life.

How we deal with challenges that can threaten our way of life will define our true character, regardless of the public facade we create.  Walking through life is many times a very difficult adventure.  Adventure is the word we should use for life’s journey. Adventures teach us lessons and life should be lived as one long lesson.  On our adventure we should gather up the mementoes and cherish each event whether it is sad or joyous. We melt these things into our character.  Many stories and myths have the hero leave on an adventure full of challenges and obstacles.  The hero returns from the adventure reborn and enlightened.  We should all strive to be that hero.  

If our choice is to focus on negativity then the adventure becomes negative.  While sadness is often times viewed as negative let us challenge that perspective. Sadness should be embraced and experienced.  Let the tears fall but do not dwell there. Fighting sadness multiplies inside and prevents us from moving on. Sadness is like a boiling pot. Cover the pot and eventually the top will no longer hold the pressure.  The water will over boil and can extinguish our flame. If we uncover the pot and allow the steam to rise, the waters of sadness disappear into the steam.  What we have left is the memory of the boiling, a memory of the sadness.  We can look back at it without being consumed by it.  The energy of our sadness in the passing of a loved one can be turned towards a celebration of their life and lessons they gave us.  The sadness of betrayal can be turned to a lesson of how we ourselves should live to be trustworthy and never inflict that pain on others.  Sadness in the face of evil deeds and people should be turned to lessons on how to protect ourselves and others from evil and those who would do us harm.  The examples can come forth endlessly. Every negative encounter and experience can hold a positive energy.  It is our perspective and reaction that rescue us and find the positive. 

Forgiveness is another lesson we should take and embrace in life.  Forgiveness does not mean we condone evil behavior.  Forgiveness is about our ability to not be held captive by evil.  If we look to always embrace the hurt and pain we carry that on our shoulders it infects everything we do.  When we look for revenge or an apology that will never come, it darkens the mind with images of events that will never erase the reality of what has happened.  With forgiving we release the pain and let go of the control the evil and the evil doer have on us. Without forgiveness in our hearts evil and the evil people in our lives influence our everyday thoughts and actions.  Forgiving does not condone the evil acts.   Forgiving does not mean we allow evil ones to stay or come back into our lives.  Forgiving means we jettison the control evil’s influence has on us.  Malice in the heart towards any person evil or good only diminishes our character.  Do not allow yourself to be a victim of malice.  Become a survivor of evil.

Many times evil will hide behind the veil of trust.  Evil doers will present to the world greatness of character.  Whether this is an intention or not evil will use the good that they do to mask and conceal their evil deeds.  This takes many forms.  A business man or woman that speaks with motivational platitudes may very well be insidiously cheating and harming business associates for his or her own selfish gain.   People thought to be great leaders can easily hide their immoral and illegal doings.  We are all loath to believe that people we looked up to, counted on and may have even called a friend would betray our trust or the trust of many.  We, by placing people on pedestals make it difficult for victims of this darkness to come forward.  Often times a victim is looked at as a jealous rival or someone just looking to topple the royalty.  Victims that do come forward to challenge this false royalty are courageous warriors.  These victims are willing to stand up to the masses and the regime and know they face an army of ridicule and doubt.  We should never dismiss a cry for help.  Yes it could be false.  However if we see a drowning person we assume they should be rescued.  We should assume people crying for help deserved to be rescued even if it means rescuing them from a person we hold in high regard. We may love the water but we know it can kill.  We cannot allow the waters of friendship, respect, and love cloud our vision of victims that need to be rescued from the water.  

On our adventure and our journey we should remain the hero. Be a hero to those that need our help.  Heroic acts will take courage and we may face fires, obstacles and monsters.  We need to walk through the fires, go over the obstacles and slay the monsters.  There are obstacles of sadness.  There are fires of forgiveness. There are monsters of evil.   All these things take many forms.  They hide in places we never expect and will pounce on us in an instant.  We as Martial Artists train to protect ourselves our families and should be ready in an instant.  Protect yourself from all things in this world physical or otherwise.  Be prepared to always be the hero.  During your life adventure embrace, overcome, protect, rescue, and forgive. 

Be A Black Belt In Your Personal Relationships

Our lives are usually full of busyness chores, schedules, appointments, work and business. As our minds fill with the daily clutter what is really important in life gets left behind. Often what is really important is completely forgotten, we work in our daily routines for so long and leave life’s most important gifts so far behind their light fades away to nothingness. Even as we go to church or worship in what ever way we do, the reasons for these reflective moments have long disappeared.

What is important in life then? What are we leaving behind? Our relationships with friends, family and loved ones are our most important gifts in life. Often times these relationships and connections are broken for the most trivial of reasons. We allow unimportant issues to become the most important and allow these things to stand between friendships and family. Excluding abusive crimes, or violence nothing is more important than the gift of love between us. One rude moment, or one forgotten promise, or other small hurt should never interfere with the love between family and friends. Often people allow profit or business to interfere with our relationships. These things should never rise to destroy our love. Money and profit will not enrich your soul the love of others will.

Life should be a gathering of love. The relationships we form with others are what enrich us. The other daily routines of life can be thought of as food and nourishment; these things are needed to keep us going but are not the things that enrich us as people. The kindness, love, caring and sharing of our lives is what fills a life with meaning.

The example of this is easily evident. How many celebrities are in the news with unhappy tales of lives spiraling out of control? Money, fame, possessions and business success failed to make them happy. What will make a soul soar are the gifts we receive from the people we love and love us. There is no monetary or status gain from these gifts and the person who is only concerned with these gains in life is missing the point of being in this world. Business, profit and other status gains by themselves are fine and noble pursuits. These pursuits only become a hindrance when they are allowed to sever the ties of family and friendships.

When the tragedies of life enter, the source of strength will come from those we love and God. Without the love and prayers and caring of people who love us difficult times will easily overwhelm even those who seem very strong to the outside world. Often our inner strength comes from our foundation of love.

There is a tie to Martial Arts and relationships. In Martial Arts we talk about excellence on many levels. We work on setting and achieving goals and balancing our lives. We want to be “Black Belts” in every aspect of life. Work to be a Black Belt in your personal relationships. Become a Black Belt in mending broken relationships and start now. Mend your “burned bridges”. Mend the hurts you might have caused others and forgive those who have hurt you. Do not wait for tomorrow to do this since sometimes tomorrow never comes. Be the Black Belt that stands up and says “I forgive you can we start over?” If you can do this and open your heart you will have passed the Black Belt test of love, friendship and Family. Without these in our lives all other accomplishments become worthless.

If we cannot mend relationships that have been broken over trivial things, like business dealings, misspoken words, forgotten promises and the other things that at the end of our lives will mean nothing, we have failed to have Black Belt excellence in the relationships we have forged. Achieve Black Belt Excellence as a friend and family member. Be the one who extends the “olive branch”. If reconciliation fails at least the effort was made to make amends. If the person we are trying reconcile with has a requirement that is necessary for settlement than provide it. Step up and discover what a Black Belt can really do.

It is Your Attitude that Determines your Altitude.

I mostly blog about my experience in the Martial Arts but this post will be just a little different. In the Martial Arts we often talk about attitude. There is an old saying: your attitude will determine your altitude. In my life I have a person that is the perfect example of this. My most lovely wife, Donna, is one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Her story is a shinning example of how going forward and never giving up in the face of adversity is how to succeed.

My wife’s success in life was raising her son and simply surviving. She had obstacles that would have crushed the average person. Even her start in life was a challenge. She was raised by alcoholic parents who divorced. Her father left the seven children and her mother with nothing. They ended up living in places where they only had chairs and couches to sleep on. They often times had nothing or very little to eat. When her mother would leave for days on end Donna would stay home from school and take care of the younger children. This eventually led to her expulsion from school at the age of 16. Donna never gave up and eventually went back to start to earn her GED. She was never able to complete that goal and this tragedy is where her real life struggle began.

In 1971 Donna married her first husband. By 1973 she was pregnant with her first and what would be her only child. She had been working at Hoffman’s (making hot dogs, sausages etc.) She knew that she needed to improve her income to help support the child she was carrying. She applied for and was hired by a local insurance agency as a secretary by scoring higher than all other applicants on an employment test. They decided to pay for her GED schooling since this bright young woman showed exceptional promise. This is when tragedy struck.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving of 1973 when Donna was about 5 months pregnant she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage caused by an aneurysm. She had some signs something was going on but the symptoms were dismissed as part of the pregnancy and/or “morning sickness”. It was luck that her ex-husband decided this was not the case when she could no longer speak or walk. He took her to the hospital and by that time the only thing she could say was “baby”.

By a miracle, especially by 1970’s medical standards, Donna survived. Her case is even listed in medical books. Her survival was only the beginning of the miracle that became my wife’s life. The stroke’s damage was severe. Donna would never again be able to work. She could not finish her GED. She did try only to be frustrated by the reality she could no longer read or comprehend written words. She was also left with expressive aphasia and a seizure disorder. Her husband who had never paid the bills or balanced the check book failed to now pay the bills or take care of other household finances. He also started an affair. By 1976 they divorced. So here was a young woman left alone with a two year old baby, unable to work, unable to read, or effectively express herself struggling to get by. When most people complain about day to day challenges, this young lady forged ahead with her disability in tow, alone.

Donna also endured fights to keep her son with her. There were some people who decided she was not capable of bringing up her son. She fought these efforts and won. She had good family that helped her along the way too. She had friends that helped her relearn how to keep a check book and would help her when she needed it. Donna brought up her son kept a household on meager SSI means and did so very well. Donna’s disability also prevents her from holding a driver's license. Still, she managed to go get groceries, take her son and herself to the doctor when necessary. She took help from others when needed but for the most part her day to day needs were met by one person, herself.

The most amazing part of my wife’s story is her never ending laughter and smile and positive outlook. She always kept a positive communication open with her ex-husband for her son’s sake. She remained friends with her mother in-law, for her son’s sake. She enjoys life and brings smiles and brings a positive atmosphere to everyone she meets. With everything against her she moved forward never pausing to wallow in self pity and negative attitudes. With 15% of her brain missing she gives 200%. She sews and does cross stitch keeping in mind she cannot read.

I met her in 1990 and in 1991 I married her. She is still the most positive and driven person I know. Her strength shows like a bright light in the darkness. Here is a person that could have easily given up and used her life’s adversity as a justification for doing so. Instead she used fortitude and indomitable spirit to relearn life survival skills. When doctors suspected she would never walk again, she did walk. When they said she might never talk again, she spoke. When people declared she was not capable of raising her son she did raise him to be a fine young man and a wonderful father to his own children now.

Donna still shows her strength today. She is now also a breast cancer survivor. She faced that disease with the same positive attitude she applies to everything. When first diagnosed her biggest concern was who was going to babysit the grandchildren while she went through cancer treatments. She held my Mother’s hand when she faced breast cancer following the year after her own recovery. She now gives comfort to my Father as he faces terminal bladder cancer. My wife’s energy, smiles, and laughter is never ending. When I think of heroes in the world she ranks amongst the highest. More than a sports hero, or movie hero she is a real life hero.

A positive attitude is one of life’s most important tools. My spouse’s story is proof that with the proper attitude you can survive and thrive through what ever life throws into your path. You choose your attitude. Anyone can choose to “cave in” to challenges or stand up and face them. You can choose to climb over obstacles or give up and never recover from adversity. It is your attitude that determines your altitude.

Quest for Excellence

In the quest of excellence where do we begin? How do we define excellence? Excellence is sometimes measured by other people’s standards. However, the best place to find excellence is in our own self evaluation. The definition of excellence is how what you have achieved has improved you as a person. That improvement can only be determined by your own measurement. As Martial Artists we all strive for excellence. We each have traveled different life paths and many of us have traveled a different Martial Arts path. Our instructors, teachers, and fellow students will all have their own standard and in any reputable Martial Arts organization this standard is really just a personal starting point. Giving your own personal best is really at the heart of excellence and only you can know what that is. While achieving and working towards something only the person working towards that goal knows inside if they are pushing themselves to that level of self excellence. In any endeavor if we only do the minimum to reach a certain level we have not achieved anything if that level did not push us past our present capacity. Pushing yourself beyond the point you thought possible is the only way to grow. In setting our goals we need to determine if reaching that point will stretch us beyond where we are in that area of fitness, art, works, or life skill. Without growth there is no reason to pursue any goal. The purpose of setting goals and/or having dreams is to grow as a person in some area of life. Stretching and growing as a person, student, husband, wife, son, daughter and, so on is what makes life worthwhile. If we are not growing we are not living we are only existing.

Excellence and growth then are one in the same. To excel we must grow, to grow we must excel. That is why Martial Artists have an advantage. We strive to learn and grow in our art. It is a never ending road but it is not an aimless wandering road. Martial Arts give us a way to map our growth. We set our Martial Arts goals and this learning will almost automatically cross over into the other areas of life. There is an endless amount of learning that can be followed in the Martial Arts just like life. While moving forward in the Arts we also move forward in life. We see new opportunities in the Arts, which will lead us to also realize we can open new doors in our lives. The story of my own personal experience is a perfect example. The day before my 1st Degree Black Belt test, over twenty-one years ago, I lost my job. I was a young man who had never before faced the dilemma of losing a position. The confidence I gained on the road to Black Belt not only gave me courage to face my upcoming test regardless of my personal challenge, the training and knowledge gathered on that road gave me the tools needed to charge ahead and find new employment. In two weeks I found a new job and worked with that company for eleven years.

Our perspective of the Arts is different while we are white belts just as our perspective in life is different from when we were children. Our perspective of the Arts is also different as a newly christened Black Belt from that of a seasoned Black Belt. New Black Belts are energized and ready for the next step. When we begin in the Martial Arts we start with a “clean slate”. Our minds are open to the new adventure we have decided to undertake. This is similar to the open minds of children, who are ready and willing to learn. To stay energized and motivated in the Martial Arts we must keep the open mind of a white belt and the energy of someone who has just crossed that threshold to Black Belt. That willingness to start on a new journey and the willingness to stretch beyond our current success will keep you fresh. The crossover to life skills in keeping an open mind can only lead to life success. Keep your mind fresh like a child’s mind. Be willing to accept new ideas and explore new ways of approaching challenge. Regardless if that challenge is in your career, family or spiritual points on your wheel of life, keeping an open mind and keeping energized is the key to being successful and climbing the walls life will always place before you.

An open mind then, is essential for excellence. If we are not open to new ideas and ways of doing things we begin to stand still and fail to move forward. To grow we must continue to press on and move forward. Without forward momentum life’s challenges will ultimately start pushing us backwards. Since excellence and growth go hand in hand so is open mindedness an essential component in excellence. Also to move forward we need to stay energized since the forward momentum needed for excellence takes motivation and motivation takes energy.

Here then are keys to excellence: open mindedness, motivation, energy. The measurement of excellence is the improvement to your own level of success. An example of this can be seen in competitive running. If at 50 years old I would not expect my run times to be the same as when I was eighteen it is not realistic. However if I measure my progress against how well I do in my age class during a race then that is where I can see my progress. If I were to finish in the top 10% in one race and then improve to the top 5% then I have made progress and can say I have achieved excellence. In Martial Arts I can approach progress in a similar way. At 50 years old I can’t expect to achieve the same height in my flying side kick that I did when I tested for my Black Belt when I was 28 years old. I can expect to continue to improve my form and to keep fit enough to still be able to do a flying side kick. That then becomes my measurement for excellence and success.

Keeping on a journey of excellence will never be easy. It takes work. It takes an open mind, it takes energy and motivation. To maintain an open mind, energy and motivation it is essential to know how to measure excellence in ourselves. The only one who can measure excellence in yourself is you. Take a look at your strengths and improve on them. Take a look at your weakness and work to lessen their effect on your performance. Measure progress against what is realistic for you. If we keep these things in mind it will help a person succeed and achieve excellence that is necessary for a meaningful and fulfilling life. The Martial Arts gives people the tools to achieve excellence. It is often times referred to as Black Belt excellence. If you are not involved in the Martial Arts, consider it. If you have been in the Martial arts but wandered away come back. Excellence is waiting for you.

What Does it Mean to Achieve a Black Belt

What does it mean to achieve a Black Belt? Why pursue this goal? We pursue many things in our lives and set many goals. Achieving a Black Belt is usually a special goal. It takes years of practice and dedication. Along the way we will learn much about ourselves. We will push our minds and bodies to the limit. I think the pursuit of reaching Black Belt mirrors our human experience. Life is a struggle, we work against challenges and strive to succeed in many things, family, work, spiritual, and personal goals like that of a Black Belt. On the road to Black Belt we learn how to dedicate ourselves to a goal; we can transfer this learning experience to our everyday lives, in work, family, and spiritual endeavors. The struggle of life is what makes it interesting. Sometimes the struggle is self imposed other times we struggle against odds and circumstances we wish didn’t exist. Challenge and strife often times create who we are for better or worse, and everyone will experience it. A life without significant challenge would be boring and without meaning. We all need challenge, we all need to move forward in our lives, when we stand still we become “stale”. Like standing water, we will eventually begin to stagnant, and move backwards.

Working towards a Black Belt can precipitate the evaluation of life goals. Many people set no life goals. Martial arts students will begin to set goals while on the road to Black Belt. Like life our success on the road to Black Belt will be determined by other people. Success in life is often judged by others. If we run a business the success of the business is determined by our customers. If we work for someone else our success is judged by the individuals running the business and individuals we report to.

The requirements for achieving a Black Belt will vary from one organization to another. All reputable organizations will have a very specific set of requirements that must be met before the student is considered eligible for Black Belt. Testing and/or judgment of how a Black Belt is awarded will vary from school to school but in the end, achieving this goal in a good institution will be challenging, difficult, and fair.

There are many advantages to working towards a goal of achieving Black Belt. What it means to reach that goal go hand in hand with the advantages. Black Belt it is a goal reached that was most likely only a far off dream when you first stepped through the door of the dojo. The old saying is: “goals are dreams that have a deadline”. The dream of achieving a Black Belt is no different. At first it is just a dream and then training begins and it becomes a long range goal with the focus on each step along the way. After many short range goals and small steps you reach the point where Black Belt is the next step. All your training becomes fine tuned and you condition your body. It is the peak for that final sprint. The sweat, pain, and obstacles have been over come. You are now a Black Belt. It means you have achieved a goal. You have overcome obstacles, personal, physical, mental and spiritual, everything has played a role.

Achieving a Black Belt means you had the discipline few individuals possess and you were willing to put in the work to conquer something that wasn’t easy. You put yourself to the test and with perseverance, indomitable spirit, honesty and integrity a passing grade was awarded. Some people go in front of judges for gold, silver and bronze metals, some people run races and some people test for a Black Belt. It is a test for yourself, to achieve something special, achieving it means that your struggle has paid off. Pass on what you learned along the way and the meaning of achieving this goal grows beyond just the personal reward. Everyone you contact can benefit and in a small way each Black Belt can enhance the experience of all their friends, family, co-workers and community. Worthwhile endeavors create strong character. True Black Belts have strong character that is one reason they were able to do what it takes to get there.

Achieving a Black Belt is also the beginning of journey. It is not only a journey in the martial arts, but it can also be a journey in life. No one is perfect, Black Belts are not perfect. People with character know this very well. Well rounded people also know that striving for perfection should still be the goal. That is the journey. Take the tools needed to achieve Black Belt and apply them to life. Conquer challenges in everyday life the same way they are conquered on the road to Black Belt. Grow with your experience in the martial arts and life.

Achieving a Black Belt is this: a journey to get there, a journey to stay there and a journey to move forward from there. It also a goal and goals are never ending. The goal and the journey are the challenge. Black Belts in life and the marital arts conquer the challenge and meet the goal. Black Belts give back to the arts and give back the people around them. Achieving a Black Belt means you have and created the strong character needed to excel beyond the ordinary.