It is Your Attitude that Determines your Altitude.

I mostly blog about my experience in the Martial Arts but this post will be just a little different. In the Martial Arts we often talk about attitude. There is an old saying: your attitude will determine your altitude. In my life I have a person that is the perfect example of this. My most lovely wife, Donna, is one of the bravest and strongest people I know. Her story is a shinning example of how going forward and never giving up in the face of adversity is how to succeed.

My wife’s success in life was raising her son and simply surviving. She had obstacles that would have crushed the average person. Even her start in life was a challenge. She was raised by alcoholic parents who divorced. Her father left the seven children and her mother with nothing. They ended up living in places where they only had chairs and couches to sleep on. They often times had nothing or very little to eat. When her mother would leave for days on end Donna would stay home from school and take care of the younger children. This eventually led to her expulsion from school at the age of 16. Donna never gave up and eventually went back to start to earn her GED. She was never able to complete that goal and this tragedy is where her real life struggle began.

In 1971 Donna married her first husband. By 1973 she was pregnant with her first and what would be her only child. She had been working at Hoffman’s (making hot dogs, sausages etc.) She knew that she needed to improve her income to help support the child she was carrying. She applied for and was hired by a local insurance agency as a secretary by scoring higher than all other applicants on an employment test. They decided to pay for her GED schooling since this bright young woman showed exceptional promise. This is when tragedy struck.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving of 1973 when Donna was about 5 months pregnant she suffered a cerebral hemorrhage caused by an aneurysm. She had some signs something was going on but the symptoms were dismissed as part of the pregnancy and/or “morning sickness”. It was luck that her ex-husband decided this was not the case when she could no longer speak or walk. He took her to the hospital and by that time the only thing she could say was “baby”.

By a miracle, especially by 1970’s medical standards, Donna survived. Her case is even listed in medical books. Her survival was only the beginning of the miracle that became my wife’s life. The stroke’s damage was severe. Donna would never again be able to work. She could not finish her GED. She did try only to be frustrated by the reality she could no longer read or comprehend written words. She was also left with expressive aphasia and a seizure disorder. Her husband who had never paid the bills or balanced the check book failed to now pay the bills or take care of other household finances. He also started an affair. By 1976 they divorced. So here was a young woman left alone with a two year old baby, unable to work, unable to read, or effectively express herself struggling to get by. When most people complain about day to day challenges, this young lady forged ahead with her disability in tow, alone.

Donna also endured fights to keep her son with her. There were some people who decided she was not capable of bringing up her son. She fought these efforts and won. She had good family that helped her along the way too. She had friends that helped her relearn how to keep a check book and would help her when she needed it. Donna brought up her son kept a household on meager SSI means and did so very well. Donna’s disability also prevents her from holding a driver's license. Still, she managed to go get groceries, take her son and herself to the doctor when necessary. She took help from others when needed but for the most part her day to day needs were met by one person, herself.

The most amazing part of my wife’s story is her never ending laughter and smile and positive outlook. She always kept a positive communication open with her ex-husband for her son’s sake. She remained friends with her mother in-law, for her son’s sake. She enjoys life and brings smiles and brings a positive atmosphere to everyone she meets. With everything against her she moved forward never pausing to wallow in self pity and negative attitudes. With 15% of her brain missing she gives 200%. She sews and does cross stitch keeping in mind she cannot read.

I met her in 1990 and in 1991 I married her. She is still the most positive and driven person I know. Her strength shows like a bright light in the darkness. Here is a person that could have easily given up and used her life’s adversity as a justification for doing so. Instead she used fortitude and indomitable spirit to relearn life survival skills. When doctors suspected she would never walk again, she did walk. When they said she might never talk again, she spoke. When people declared she was not capable of raising her son she did raise him to be a fine young man and a wonderful father to his own children now.

Donna still shows her strength today. She is now also a breast cancer survivor. She faced that disease with the same positive attitude she applies to everything. When first diagnosed her biggest concern was who was going to babysit the grandchildren while she went through cancer treatments. She held my Mother’s hand when she faced breast cancer following the year after her own recovery. She now gives comfort to my Father as he faces terminal bladder cancer. My wife’s energy, smiles, and laughter is never ending. When I think of heroes in the world she ranks amongst the highest. More than a sports hero, or movie hero she is a real life hero.

A positive attitude is one of life’s most important tools. My spouse’s story is proof that with the proper attitude you can survive and thrive through what ever life throws into your path. You choose your attitude. Anyone can choose to “cave in” to challenges or stand up and face them. You can choose to climb over obstacles or give up and never recover from adversity. It is your attitude that determines your altitude.

Life with Cancer Part II

My wife had gone through her radiation treatments and was now doing well. We had survived breast cancer. Donna was now among the many breast cancer survivors. I was planning on running in the Susan G. Komen Race for Cure in honor of her survival. Then one evening in March of 2008 my mother called and said she had something to tell us. She too had been diagnosed with breast cancer. Now I was running for two women in my life.

My mother's cancer was different than Donna's which made her not eligible for the radiation treatment Donna had participated in. Also because of the position of my mother's tumor a lumpectomy without radiation was not an option. My mother opted for a mastectomy.

In April she had the operation all went well. She wasn't going to need radiation her recovery was more painful than Donna's but still all went well.

My mother did have the benefit of Donna for support having been through the fear and anxiety associated with news that you have cancer. Again the whole family gathered around my mother to support her. Today my mother is a survivor and I will run again this year in The Race for The Cure for two of the most important women in my life.

As a side note: The local paper did a story on my run in 2008. They had called looking for stories of runners participating in the Race for The Cure. When I told them my story they were interested. They ran the story of our experiences in the Breast Cancer world just prior to the 2008 race.

Life facing cancer

It was October 2007 we had been planning a camping trip to Old Forge with the family and the news came. We had both been worried about this for a while ever since the mammogram showed something “suspicious”. I guess we both thought it couldn’t be - it just couldn’t. I think it was Wednesday Oct. 9th. Not sure since it was all a blur. Donna didn’t want to tell anyone until we actually saw the surgeon again. Yes we had heard it. It was cancer. My beautiful wife had breast cancer.

We went ahead with the camping trip anyway. We told the kids that Donna just had a cyst removed. We didn’t say anything about a biopsy and what results we knew of. We tried to forget and just have a good time. I am glad we did since we did not have a clue of what we were in store for.

Donna is the strongest person I know. Guess that is why we are friends and why we married and have stayed married. This was a new challenge. It was for sure going to be the toughest challenge we have ever faced together. But perseverance is in our blood, relationship, and souls. Cancer was not going to beat Donna and it wasn’t going to defeat us!

After we came back from the camping trip we settled in and tried to come to grips with what we now faced. First we needed information. The appointment with the surgeon was Monday. We let Donna’s older sister and mother know and they went with us to the appointment. The doctor went over everything in detail and spent a lot of time explaining what the possibilities were. What stage the cancer could be and what treatment options might follow the surgery. Nothing would be set in stone until after the surgery. Donna went with the doctor’s recommendation and the lumpectomy was scheduled.

We called the kids in for a family meeting. We explained what was going on. We also called Donna’s siblings and they all planned on being present on they day of the surgery. I think this family support helped Donna face this disease with courage.

The gang all gathered and we waited to hear from the surgeon. Donna’s sisters Judy, Pat, Ann, Margaret, Debbie were there. Her mother also came to support her daughter. Donna’s brother, Carl, was represented by his wife Dianne. Carl is a judge and had to be in court or he would have been there too. Donna was in surgery for a long time. We were all getting worried. She went in at 10:00 A.M. We did not hear anything from the surgeon until 2:00 P.M. The surgeon explained that all went well, and as they suspected, the cancer was stage one. The good news was that it had not spread beyond the breast tissue. The next steps would be the radiation treatment. There would be no chemo at this point.
We went in for the follow up appointment. Donna had decided to go with a new radiation treatment that would only take a week instead of the standard six week treatment. The insurance was approved and we went forward.

The treatment involved cutting space in the breast where the tumor had been removed. Yes more surgery. A balloon is placed in the newly created space. A catheter is attached to the balloon and is exposed outside the breast. Once in place the radiologist fills the balloon with radio active material. This is done twice a day for a week. It is very painful and Donna suffered for that week. The up side is the treatment is over in a week and recovery time is shorter than standard radiation treatment.

Then the ongoing treatment began. For the next five years Donna will be taking hormones that will reduce the chance of the cancer recurring. This is not easy. The hormone treatment causes hot flashes, fatigue, headaches and night sweats. It also causes a drop in calcium levels so calcium supplements are needed as well. The calcium supplements have their own side affects which are varied stomach and digestive issues.

It has been over a year now and Donna has done well. I am lucky to work for an employer that provides excellent insurance. I wonder how people without insurance face these issues. There are many Americans that work and make too much to receive public medical assistance. They may be O.K. for the common cold office visit but something like what Donna faces could easily bankrupt a family that lacks insurance coverage. I felt very lucky. That is why now I am an advocate for cancer research and better medical coverage for all. There is no reason that in this country people will die from cancer when they could otherwise survive with proper treatment. Do not be fooled, many low income people die from cancer because they do not receive the same medical treatment people of means and/or insurance receive. In my opinion that is an unacceptable condition.

I will be running again in the local Suzan G. Komen Race for The Cure. If you are a runner find out where and when this is going on in your area. We can cure cancer and this is a way people who enjoy running and fitness can help. Last year I ran this race in honor of my wife and my mother who was also diagnosed with breast cancer in the spring of 2008. I will write more about that challenge. Again if we all ban together a cure can be found.